Lady Caca

It pains me to do this, as it just gives this endlessly untalented harpy more attention than she deserves, but I care about you guys. And I'm only looking out for you*.

Lady Gaga wants you to know that she "exists halfway between fantasy and reality":

“Yes, and I thought to myself, "Gosh, the thing I hate most about doing award shows is, it can be  distracting"... I want to exist only for my fans and for the stage,” she went on. “I don't want to exist in this machine or this circus that is the industry. I wish I could be encapsulated for three days and just think only about my performance, think only about the album, think only about the future of my fans. So that's what I did.”

Despite her elaborate getups, the singer insisted, “Gaga is not manufactured . . . it is not artificial. I wish I could give that gift to everyone on the planet--the ability for you to create an idea and perceive of something, whether it be a name or a vision for yourself, and just choose to become it. The world, and I base this on the music industry, is obsessed with artists and glamour and creativity and fashion. And artistry has become something that people believe is artificial. For myself, it is my reality. I exist at all times halfway between reality and fantasy. That's the way I was born.”

Yeah, we get it Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta Pollo Alla Cacciatore (really with this name?), you're unique and ironic and fantastical. And we love you for it. Here's Stefani Joanna Angelina Germanotta defiling an episode of The Sopranos:

Cigarettes and a 20 oz. of Coke? Damn girl, you walk a fine line. Flash forward a few years and she transforms herself into the empty shell of a pop star we have today. We've been gifted with her golden pipes, and evolving, original sense of fashion the likes of which we've never -

Ahem. I said the likes of which we've never -

 Dude. Stop. I'm trying to make a point. As I was saying, we've been gifted with her golden pipes and evolving, original sense of fashion the likes of which we've -

Ugh, fuck it. Here's the deal Stefani Joanna Angelina Germanotta, you are a part of the machine and the circus. You contribute to the never ending stream of trash that besmirches my precious ears in crappy bars across the United States. What, so she adorns her hermaphroditic husk in pointy objects, swims around in makeup for three hours and spends more time layering vocal tracks on her albums than actually singing them, and we're all supposed to be so grateful and so enamored by it? Christ.

People actually spend time discussing whether her recent single "Born This Way" (with a cock?) is a ripoff of Madonna's "Express Yourself" without first stepping back and looking at the big picture:

Look, if you like her music and you like her sense of fashion and you sincerely think she isn't fucking fooling all of you and laughing all the way to the bank, then maybe you too "exist halfway between reality and fantasy". Either way, fuck off. I'm going to resume listening to my Tears for Fears discography. Mm...yeah.

*(But not really though).